Satire

My Auction to Sell ‘Military Grade Tin Foil’

Like many other New Zealanders I saw the pictures of people at the Wellington anti-mandate protest in February 2022 wearing tin foil hats. Apparently this didn’t last very long as announcements were made to let people know that they don’t work, but just for fun I thought I’d create a Trade Me auction for ‘Military Grade Tin Foil’.

I am posting this now (December 2022) as the auction has been listed by TradeMe as the fourth top listing in 2022!

I didn’t expect for the auction to take off, with people asking questions in the humorous spirit of the auction, so part way through I converted it to a real auction with proceeds going to charity.

In answering questions I tried to be topical, and gave serious answer to a few that seemed to deserve it. In some cases the questions were not appropriate, being crude or containing content that most people would find objectionable, so I did not answer those.

The auction got just over 115,000 views in the week, and I answered 139 questions. I am republishing the content of the auction here because I thought more people enjoy the content, and Trade Me only keeps old auctions for 45 days.

During the course of the auction Dr Michelle Dickinson explained what would be needed if you really did need to protect your head from EMF.

Sadly, the top bidder reneged, failing to answer my emails, so Trade Me cancelled the sale.

I had some concerns about the mandates too, so please don’t take any of the following personally.

So, to the auction, questions, and answers.

The Auction

Partially unrolled foil sitting on a patterned tablecloth.

This is an almost complete 50m roll of military grade tin foil. Partially used because I made a hat last time I was interviewed on the radio. Probably about 47 metres left.

The foil is normally part of military field kits, and is EMF certified to protect against quantum discharge devices, LRAD, and EMF pulse weapons.

The manufacturing process uses a special quantum molecular alignment technique that ensures that the foil won’t fail in normal field use.

This protection is not something you’ll get with foil purchased at your local supermarket.

Strictly cash only, no refunds.

I will deliver to a protest site anywhere in NZ for an additional $2,000, provided I am allowed to wear a mask when doing so.

Q & A

Note: I have added notes under some questions and answers to provide context for anyone who may have missed a reference.

Q: Which side of the roll is the shiny side on? I’m told it doesn’t really matter, as the dull side absorbs the government waves, but my neck is sore so I think my last hat soaked up too many. I need a roll that unrolls shiny so I can make a hat to reflect the waves away from me instead. [americo125]

A: The military grade tin foil can be used either side out due to the quantum alignment used in manufacturing.

Q: Is there a buy now price? [gringerj]

A: Due to high demand on tin foil currently I’ll let this run.

Q: Hi, is this available in different colours? I feel that purple camo would really protect my aura while standing grounded in my sovereignty while in my warrior pose. [helpmenet]

A: If you are looking for aura protection you’ll need to gently rub down the tinfoil with distilled water that has had aura crystals sitting in it for 24 hours.

Q: Will this protect me from 5G? [penguin781]

A: Yes, but only if you wrap your phone, and the phones of those around you in foil as well. It is well known that phones are a source of EMF, and the government may now have control of these, allowing them to radiate you from your own phone! Beware!

Q: I heard that Glad Wrap™ around the face protects you from the shedding by vaccinated people. Does tinfoil do this too? [penguin781]

A: PSA: You should never put Glad Wrap™ around your face, that is just dangerous! However, if you want to protect yourself from the shedding of vaccinated people the best advice is to go home, and stay home. Now. Tinfoil only works for EMF, everyone knows that!

I added Trade Mark acknowledgment here to avoid a lawyer’s letter demanding it be acknowledged. Yes, this really happens.

Q: I find my chi energy is extremely zapped by being around vaccinated people, so every time I front up to the cops I my chi gets zapped. Can this foil help with that? [beckydubs]

A: The foil is only for EMF. For Chi depletion you should spend some time inside an orgone energy accumulator, or setup a pyramid (make sure you get the alignment right) and sit under it. Do this before and after engaging with the cops. Warning: Do not sit under the pyramid for more that 10 minutes at a time, as prolonged exposure to pyramid energy can trigger sexual urges. You want to hold the line, not chat-up the cops.

Orgone accumulators and pyramid power were a big deal when I was growing up. The Alan Parsons project did an album called Pyramania on the subject of the latter.

Q: Do you have any pictures of hat designs that will shield the best. I saw one guy with a hat that looked like lattice work. [matilda29]

A: The hat design is up to you, as long is it has no gaps. Hats with gaps can create EMF resonance around the head, which is NOT what you want. There are plenty of sources on the internet of suitable designs, but be careful you don’t go down a rabbit hole on this – there is a lot of nonsense out there.

Q: Admit it this is a trick! You’re a member of the Illuminati, aren’t you, aren’t you! (Please read in a strident voice.) [maclir_9]

A: This is a genuine auction. Don’t come here with your conspiracy theories, OK? (Equally strident, in reply.)

Q: Brilliant 😂 [stephensarah1]

A: Yes, the tin is quite brilliant when the sun shines on it.

Q: Are you able to confirm what military specification the foil was manufactured to? Is it possible that it is just a catering pack of Aluminium foil and contains no Tin? [amsimes]

A: This product ‘came off the back of a truck’, and does not have any certs with it. I was promised that it was genuine, and I had no reason to doubt the original seller. I knew he was for real because he showed me an internet page about the foil, and I know I can totally trust anything that is published on the internet.

Q: If I ask a question, will they find me? Asking for a friend. [blakcountrykiwi]

A: Yes. They know who you are, where you live, and that you had mince for dinner last night. Nachos, to be precise. You need this foil.

Q: I’ve heard there is knock-off military grade foil doing the rounds, out of China and Korea. How do I know this foil is genuine military grade and not a cheap, ineffective knock off? Also, buy now? My supermarket is cleaned out. [beckydubs]

A: I did have some doubts at first. But the first hat I made from it was very effective. Also, there has been a strange car parked over the road since just after I listed it. I think they may be on to me. They probably don’t want this falling into protestors’ hands since it is so effective.

Q: Will it work for animals too ? – I have a car that keeps crapping inside and I think it is the EMF signals so was going to wrap the cat – back half of course so it can breath. [marcus1975]

A: The most common cause of a cat’s unexplained pooping inside is stress. This can happen if their owner get more interested in rabbits, and the holes they live down, and does not give the cat enough attention. Foil won’t help. Suggest you try giving your cat a hug each day for a week.

Q: Everyone knows military grade foil comes on rolls a minimum of 200m in length, so to prove the quality of the foil, can you post a picture of its thickness using a calibrated micrometer? [nibber99]

A: I can see you are just trying to put people off this auction, so you can dive in at the last minute and buy it cheap. Am I right? Nice try, but you won’t fool most of the people on here.

Q: Sorry typo meant cat but guess I could wrap my car 🚗 too? [marcus1975]

A: You only needs to cover the windows. However, you must not attempt to drive the car in this state as there is a high probability that you will crash into something. And that may be more serious that EMF irradiation. Stay safe!

Q: Could you guarantee the foil would work on a Lada or a Great Wall those manufacturers are crafty. [marcus1975]

A: I checked on the internet, and Ladas are fitted with anti-EMF countermeasures, so foil will not work on them. I did not know this when I wrote the above response. It is important to keep answers factual on auctions; I don’t want to get banned!

Q: Can I use it to cover a black blood roast lamb? I don’t want it to dry out or shed onto the veges.[ballad]

A: Yes, you could use the foil for a roast. But I would not recommend roasting black blood lamb. The blood will contain a high concentration of spike proteins. Best to stick with export grade lamb rack from the supermarket.

The reference to black blood concerns a claim that shedding by vaccinated people caused a lamb to die, and that when opened it its blood was black. Vaccinated people do not shed spike proteins or anything else related to being vaccinated.

Q: Is it possible to upgrade to aluminium foil? I fear Tin might rust on arduous journey back over the straits on the good ship Sir Russell and I don’t want to look like a complete Turkey in Picton! [coollawson]

A: No upgrades, sorry. You’ll never look like a complete turkey wearing this foil.

Q: I pride myself at being ‘pretty good at research’. I saw a podcast that suggested foil needs to be used in conjunction with quartz crystals. Do you have any military grade crystals available on other lists and would you consider combining postage? [night_princess]

A: The foil can be used on its own to protect against quantum discharge devices, LRAD, and EMF pulse weapons. Yes, adding military grade crystals – if you could find them – would upgrade the foil to boost low energy too. You can get nearly the same effect if you soak a diamond and ruby ring in water overnight, and apply that water to the foil before using it. Keep the left over water as remedy for laser weapon burns.

Q: Do I need to make my dog a tinfoil hat too? He’s been muttering something about the cat trying to irradiate him. That or the neighbour has been talking to him through the gate again. Hard to translate Chihuahua. [penguin781]

A: You may have got the translation wrong – ‘irradiate’ is very close to the dog sound for ‘spray’. If that is not the case, the neighbour has been out with the hose again.

Q: Look mate, I’ve done my research and according to ‘militaryfoil.com’, this foil is a hoax designed by the government to actually increase the amount of radiation absorbed by the wearer. I have doubled down on my research and am happy in this forum to be the voice of truth and let you know, if you just rub yourself down with essential oils, this is actually the most effective counter measure. Did you think of selling these instead? [rbh2009]

A: I have tripled down on my research. This foil is the real deal. I are you sure you don’t work for the government, or perhaps one of those essential oil manufacturers?

Q: Would you consider a swap for two litres of patchouli oil a set of bongo drums a years membership to the Otaki moon circle dancing group and a Trump flag? [coollawson]

A: I’ll think about it, but minus the Trump flag. Flag probably only useful as toilet paper, and I’m well stocked at present.

Q: If I wrap this around my ‘head’ in a blue tent will it work to protect my progeny? Asking for a friend. [malmcal]

A: You should tell your friend that tin foil is an ineffective prophylactic in this case, and may result in chafing. The colour of the tent makes no difference. A lot of people asking questions on behalf of ‘friends’ on here.

Q: Should I make a jacket too to protect the spinal cord and cerebral spinal fluid from EMF? [fairmaid]

A: Your brain is the organ most sensitive to EMF. It is a little known fact that blood/brain barrier will limit leeching of EMF contaminated fluids into the brain. These are normally passed out of your system when you pee. Is anyone actually interested in buying this product, or are they just after free medical advice?

The World Health Organisation said, “Despite extensive research, to date there is no evidence to conclude that exposure to low level electromagnetic fields is harmful to human health.”

Q: Does this foil work against stereo microwaves? I’ve heard the mono foil you get from the supermarket is no good, it only protects against one beam, not two… what about surround sound microwaves? Have you tried this tin against them? [mrbell]

A: I can see you have done your research! The great thing about foil is that you can wrap it AROUND your head protecting against multi-directional EMF. EMF is high directional, which is why stereo or even quadrophonic EMF is used in the field. Personally I would put an extra layer or two around the front of the head to give extra protection to the frontal lobes, which control executive function. Without good executive function you might find that decision making is impaired.

Q: If I use this foil will it interfere the voices inside my head, or make them clearer? Will the government be able to record them? [skippy1960]

A: It would be wrong of me to provide a funny answer to this question. If you have voices in your head, you should talk to someone close to you about it as soon as possible.

I have known people with mental illness of this kind. Seek help if you have concerned about how you feel.

Q: Where did you get this foil from? It is not supposed to be on general sale. If you check the part and release numbers inside the roll, you’ll find it’s also used for lining Chem trail tanks. [damack1]

A: I bought it from a guy, literally off the back of his truck. He had a lot of other stuff in there. I thought it best not to ask too many questions. Thanks for pointing out about the release numbers, I had not looked inside the tube, and you are right! I guess with military grade product it will always have other uses.

Q: You wouldn’t happen to have any anti anal probing underwear to sell as well? [skachris]

A: Sorry, no. Tin foil is only good for terrestrial, not extraterrestrial, problems.

This is a reference to Alien Abduction, where many people report they are ‘probed’.

Q: A friend of mine knows a guy whose neighbour works in a company that imports ‘tin foil’ from USA. He tells me that he has seen someone talking about the ‘research’ they had read, about the affects of ‘rays’ on the frontal lobe & the somatosensory association area of the ‘brain’ & the benefit of ‘tin foil’ in protecting their ‘brain’ from rays. He may also have been relaying the memories of a psychotic episode brought on by the ingestion of ‘substances’, but a ‘doctor I know refutes that. [markb57]

A: Yes, I would definitely steer clear of ‘substances’.

Q: Is it from organic aluminium? otherwise not sure it will work with the crystals. [francisco.b]

A: Aluminium is inorganic! Sensible questions only, please. 😉

Q: Can I reuse the foil as I want to reduce my carbon footprint. I would like to line my pie dish to cook my dairy free, soy free, wheat free, vegan meatless meatloaf and am worried my oven may not cope. Since I’m currently unemployable due to the govt mandates I can’t afford a new oven as well as tinfoil. [aliscott66]

A: Yes. I would suggest that you use it for a hat first, then in your oven second, for two reasons. First, if you do it the other way around, you will get food in your hair, which is always a bad look, even at a protest. Secondly, the foil, having been exposed to EMF, may actually allow you to bake at a lower temperature. This is due to the ‘EMF homeopathic induction effect’ that will be emitted by the foil when it is heated. Good luck with the ‘meatloaf’.

Q: Hey I don’t suppose you have the pattern for the foil hat available? I’ve searched online but all the sites I find have been blocked due to ‘unsubstantiated evidence’ which of course is being carried out by the anti-information guerrilla wing of the Labour Party run by Clarke. He’s not just a pretty boy fiancé who loves his wife and daughter, he’s running the whole enchilada from the shadows.. e: donttrustclarkehesthesecretsauce at gee male. Cheers. [pookie2006]

A: You are on you own with patterns, sorry. I suggest you buy some Christmas crackers, and use the hats as a template. I think this will look much more professional than the ‘Telly Tubby’ style hats I have seen others wearing.

Q: What is the weight of the roll? Would it be light enough to fit in a tinny with 6 passengers if they wished to travel a short distance (say, 20km)? [honeyfarm]

A: The roll is 489 grams. I suggest you ask all 6 passengers to use the bathroom prior to the trip, and you should be good to go, weight-wise. Don’t forget the life jackets, it is looking choppy out there today.

This is a reference to people looking to sail their own boat from the South Island over Cook Straight to get to the protest.

Q: Good afternoon – I am only partway through my unit standards in Millinery 101: Special Topic Research Paper. I’m not sure if I would still be able to fashion an appropriate protection device when I haven’t formally completed my qualifications. My research is on Aluminium Top Hat and Tails – can it provide additional protection? I’d be interested in your views on this (my research is partially funded by Rio Tinto). Thank you. [jac22]

A: I fear that you may have wasted your money on that formal qualification! A quick Google search is all that is needed these days, or just ask someone on Facebook. There are plenty of experts around who have done ‘tons of their own research’. Having said that, I think you would be the most stylish protester ever, and a definite candidate for a Wearable Art award next year.

Q: I see that one of the Protesters had a TinFoil Tiara, with gaps between the strands. Will the still protect, or will it amplify the EMF, like a pyramid? [mpdajo]

A: Tin foil hat must completely cover the top of the head. There should be no gaps. Depending on the wavelength of the EMF, any gaps could cause what is called ‘keyhole resonance’. I need to keep this PG13, but let’s just say that could cause quite a nasty injury.

Microwave keyhole resonators are a real thing.

Q: Will this protect me against the surging of erotic thoughts I am experiencing walking through the protest? Every time I look at the police all cute and uniformed up in a line I get a surge which then evaporates when i smell or see a protestor. Im afraid for my ovaries. Is anyone making tinfoil underpants ? If so is this the correct material- ie lycra content, abrasion factor etc? [bringitback]

A: I would not use this material for undergarments of any kind. Google “EMF fabric”. Yep it is a real thing. If you make underpants, make sure they are high-wasted. Low cut ones might not quite cover your ovaries. Think ‘old-fashioned’ rather than ‘lingerie’. I suggest you seek counselling for those thoughts, although given the underpants you plan to make I think any ‘erotic notions’ will quickly dispel.

Q: Would there be enough to make a hat AND a cup for my niblets? I feel like I should be able to have lots of kids in the future to take with me to protests! BLESS YOU! [whothis]

A: Plenty of foil for both, but are you sure? I would classify niblets as sensitive equipment. I think you must be an imposter, as any bloke would know that and would instinctively avoid messing around down there with foil!

Q: Can Trade Me add a Like to Questions and Answers? I feel like I need to Like almost all your answers! [whothis]

A: I am not after the likes, I just want to sell this foil to someone who has a greater need than me. Some people have got the wrong end of the stick, I fear.

Q: Could I make a kayak out of this, and would it make it across Cook Strait? [eddieming]

A: No, and no. I think that covers it.

Q: With reference to my question about the kayak, I’d have Russel Coot as my co-sailor. [eddieming]

A: No, no and no.

Q: BEWARE! I just spotted a provaxer in a supermarket pricking holes into tinfoil rolls with a pin. I know they were provax as there was a whole lot of dead lamb in an area where they had been shopping. So carefully check your tinfoil roll before going to the checkout! Tip. Only use foil that unrolls to the right as foil that unrolls to the left is a cheap knock-off. [g2tm]

A: Good warning, thanks. This foil has no holes, and you should also note that the military grade stuff unrolls DOWN (as shown in image).

Q: Could this foil be used as plumber’s tape, if one needed to redivert some critical infrastructure?[honeyfarm]

A: No, it cannot. And if one is thinking about rediverting some critical infrastructure, one needs to rethink one’s life choices, in my humble opinion. The use of the word ‘critical’ might be a hint to leave well alone. Plus, Andy Foster can be pretty gnarly when he is angry.

This is a reference to a toilet block that was built at the protest site, and plumbed into Wellington City drains.

Q: Hi there, you this foil be suitable for use in an air fryer? [alpinezac]

A: Yes, but being military spec that would be a waste.

Q: I’m worried about the sweat factor on a hot day, particularly as I will also be wearing a toupe to ensure I am not immediately spotted. Will this foil hold its shape in damp conditions? Would a hat help or is that just overkill? [greysock]

A: I assume you are using tape, strips or glue to hold down the hairpiece? If that is so I would add a little extra just to be sure. Yes, the foil will hold in damp conditions. A hat is optional – so this is really a style question. Tin foil hats look silly to my eye. Sorry if that offends, I am a bit old-fashioned I suppose. My advice would be to wear a hat.

Q: Would it be compliant with the Wellington City Councils building codes if I were to use it for insulation on my outdoor toilet block , communal showers and tree house? [coollawson]

A: No. You are thinking of foil-back products such as Sisalation® Heavy Duty 450, or Thermakraft’s One Wrap System. I am pretty sure adding these products is not going to make those structures compliant though, but best of luck anyway.

The building products mentioned are real products. I had to research that one!

Q: If I stare very hard at the photograph of this foil, I am certain I can see an image of the devil himself in it. I urge you all to check for yourselves. The longer you look, the clearer he becomes. Why did you not mention this in the ad? [jonathan.hill]

A: This is just foil. Plain old foil. Military foil to be sure, but nothing funky about it at all. Might pay to check you monitor cables.

Q: What is the image hidden in your photo? [markb57]

A: Probably just light reflection. Is anyone on here even serious about buying some foil? <Sigh>

Q: It can not have been by accident that it was included!! [markb57]

A: OK, you got me. I adjusted the foil sightly before I took the image to see if I could make it look like Boba Fett in profile. See him there in the bottom right? Surprised it took you so long. Now, can I get back to selling my foil please?

I included Boba Fett because the character just had a series on Disney+.

Q: By EMF do you mean Electromagnetic field, electromotive force or emergency monetary fund?[funkussionist]

A: If I sell at the reserve I’ve set, it’ll be the last of those three.

Q: Is this tinfoil magnetic? Will I be attracted to people who are vaccinated? [zonehome]

A: The foil is conductive. If you don’t believe in vaccination, then I think it unlikely that you will be attracted to people who are vaccinated. It is quite common for people to not be attracted to those who don’t share their world view. Not quite sure why I am giving relationship advice on here, but hey, it’s 5:41pm and this gin and tonic (with a slice lemon) is rather good.

Q: With Easter coming, would it still be as effective if I added some bling from the foil on an Easter egg?[supertui1]

A: Yes, that is very fashion forward. Nina Garcia would be proud of you.

Nina Garcia is the editor-in-chief of Elle magazine, and has been a judge on Project Runway since it started in 2004. Fashion forward means fashion that is up with current trends.

Q: Do you have anything a lot duller for extreme introverts that don’t want to stand out in the crowd of free-thinkers? [murrayh1]

A: Extreme introverts should probably avoid large crowds. But if you must, let me introduce you to your best friend – acrylic paint. Paint will not impact the effectiveness of foil. Make your tin hat, and then paint it. Enjoy!

Q: I can confirm this is indeed Military Grade Tinfoil. I acquired similar when operating deep, deep, deeeeeeeep undercover within one of those ‘alphabet shadow agencies’. You can tell it’s the proper Military Grade by balling up a bunch of it, putting it in the microwave, it should start to spark. This is due to the photo-electric effect. The microwaves energize outer orbital electrons in metals and causes emission. That’s how it is able to defeat Govt weaponised microwaves being used on you… [bidz72]

A: Good to get that confirmation, thanks.

Q: I’m keen to add some of this to my arsenal of freedumb protection devices. Will it work synergistically with my Burmese plywood cyclist’s helmet? [stuartcmacd]

A: If you have an arsenal of protection already then I am 100% percent certain it will work synergistically with anything you choose to pair it with.

Q: Can I wipe my ass with it, in the lovely new toilets that have been built in Molesworth Street ? [pbp]

A: Best to keep foil away from sensitive places, OK? Being shiny it might not quite do the job you expect, know what I mean? And best to keep away from those toilets, anyway. I heard a rumour that they are not up to code, and that the might be some germs in the vicinity.

Q: It appears I have said too much regards confirming it as Military Grade Tinfoil and how it works….there is a suspicious looking white van with tinted windows now parked across the road from my house. If I ‘disappear’ like so many others who are on to their game have – know that the truth is out there! Know you are free! Rise up fellow NZers! They cannot win if we all just…… errrkkk…get out my house! Who sent you, you… ATTENTION: KNOW WE ARE COMING. SAY NOTHING. /end transmission. [bidz72]

A: Sending help now.

Q: Will you courier to Waihopai? [juju9]

A: Can deliver. Might not get the coverage though.

Waihopai is the site of a site run by the New Zealand Government Communications Security Bureau.

Q: I’m delighted the foil will work synergistically with my Burmese plywood cyclist’s helmet. You don’t think the sparks from the EMF’s impacting the foil will scorch the Burmese plywood? [stuartcmacd]

A: There will be no sparks, you can be 100% certain of that.

Q: When I chew aluminium foil, I notice my fillings hurt. Will this do that as well? [circa1963]

A: Yes. Why would anyone chew foil? Don’t answer that.

Q: I would be happy to add a pattern of the latest design, a la’ hersheys kiss style helmet, complete with a detachable chin strap and matching eye protection (also removable) especially helpful for those who like to stay blinded and unaware. Cannot guarantee effectiveness against 5G, however – but certainly enhances radio network coverage. Any takers? [joturner13]

A: Cool.

Q: I saw your earlier answer about a lattice design. Do you have information on whether this foil could act as a Faraday cage against EMF? Given the current symptoms being experienced by protestors include fever, runny nose, cough and loss of taste it’s clear the face and sinuses are being affected by this weaponry. There’s just no other logical explanation. Ergo, I need to cover my face to protect it and I don’t want to do that with a solid sheet of foil cos, y’know, that would just be silly. [adodgshun]

A: A N95 mask over your mouth and nose is the best protection against germs. Yes, a foil mask would be silly. And ineffective.

Q: Does wearing this foil have the power to deflect things that you don’t consent to? Like being asked to see a vaccine pass! [jon_]

A: If you are a true believer, wearing a foil helmet will make you invisible. No pass required!

Q: Will it stop me hearing Barry Manilow if I create a hat that covers my ears ? Or do I need a Blunt for that? [neil.welham]

A: Well, when you get up at daybreak, you’ve got to be ready to take a chance again with the foil hat. Even now you know it’s a miracle all the time. The truth will help you stay the night and carry you home. Clear?

The answer to this question used song titles from Barry Manilow in the first sentence, and from James Blunt in the second.

Q: Being the founder of a very well known social media empire, my business strategy has always been based primarily on being disingenuous, coupled with selling your data to lunatics for ad money. Recently though the stock has tumbled, Sheryl simply isn’t leaning-in anymore, and we’ve been considering pivoting into grifting. In particular selling ‘remedies’ to the people who are victim to the very problems we amplify. Can you deliver this product at scale if needed? [wazzawham]

A: This is a single roll, one time offer. My advice: lean out.

Q: 👌 [robm888]

A: You are welcome!

Q: Is this the real deal? Is this just fantasy? [andrensath]

A: With the number of questions being asked, I’m caught in a landslide, with no escape from reality.

Lyrics from Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen, in the question and answer.

Q: I am concerned that you are Jacinda in disguise and are lying about the legitimacy of the quantum technology. How do I know this is scientifically full proof? Has Brian Tamaki verified this product?[pickme20]

A: Ask anyone on Facebook. Foil hats work! Brian who?

Q: Does it send shivers down your spine? Is your body aching all the time? [andrensath]

A: Not if fitted correctly.

More Queen lyrics in the question.

Q: I feel I just need to clarify – it was tinfoil first, then toupe and then hat, with lime tracksuit. [greysock]

A: Yes, you’ll blend right in.

Q: Denying the great truth seeker Brian Tamaki? Jacinda confirmed. I’m out. Stop spreading lies. [pickme20]

A: Oh, that Brian. Sorry.

Q: You are certainly answering a lot of stupid questions with Grace and Wisdom… are you not the Apostle Brian? Can you look closely before I bid, just want to be sure there are no chemicals and in particular, molecules in this product? [johnnicki]

A: I am not Brian. I’m just a very naughty boy. The product is sold as seen. My contain traces of molecules.

The answer is a reference to a scene in the Monty Python’s Life of Brian movie.

Q: Do you sell patterns with the foil as I heard certain areas need reinforcing to protect specific bits of the brain if there’s one there or Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality…. [merwoman]

A: I don’t sell patterns sorry. Just Google for ‘tin foil hat patterns’. I quite like the one with the deer antlers. All brain cells deserve the best protection money can buy.

Q: Do you also stock medical grade ? I believe it’s similar but not in the khaki packaging. [rrb11]

A: Just this one roll sorry. The guy I bought it off had a bunch of khaki boxes in the back of the truck. Could have been medical grade.

Q: Is there a warranty on these, in case of leaks, due to product being faulty? Also, is it possible to line these with sheep’s wool for layered comfort and protection from having to listen to Baby Shark on repeat ? [rachalia]

A: No warranty sorry, as I cannot control the quality of the final hat. You can certainly line the hat at the sewing station I saw they sneaked past police.

Q: Asking for a friend, Clarke Gayford, will this tin foil make a person invisable to social media electronic footprint? [wildcat063]

A: The best way to be invisible on social media, is to NOT be on social media. Regards to his wife and kid.

Clarke Gayford is the partner of the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern.

Q: Hi there, how many carbon miles were involved in the production of this tin foil? thanks. [grantvet]

A: Google is your friend, my friend.

Q: Would this grade of foil be suitably malleable to make a mouth guard as I have an annoying buzzing coming from my fillings which I fear is the high frequency messages put out from RNZ and their masters the government to control my thoughts. [bookworm12]

A: A permanent solution would be to visit a dentist and get the fillings replaced with modern non-metallic ones. I would not use this foil in your mouth for safety reasons. Even as a joke. 😉

Q: Can I wear this as a nappy? Is it also leak proof? Asking for the missus. [andeejan1]

A: No and no. Really?

Q: Asking for a friend, ok, my mum to be honest. She is a bit worried about what else got put inside her when she had her double hip replacement recently. She is worried there might be some remote control mechanism inserted in the joints. Would this military grade foil be of a breathable type as we would like to make a couple of pairs of protective knickers to block any messages being sent to her hips which could lead to her new found mobility being hijacked by “them”. [bookworm12]

A: Mums are special people, and your mum sounds very special too. Best to let her know that she is safe regardless, and there isn’t really a ‘them’.

Q: So, do I wear it to bed? Will it muss up hair if I do and what about my colour? Will the foil change it? I mean EMF is bad but bed hair is worse. [traceysteel]

A: EMF is much worse than bed hair. I’ve been past the protest site and everyone seems to have bed hair, so no one will notice.

Q: Swaps for a 1985 DeLorean? Only 380 years on the clock. [ianandkristin]

A: Tempting, but I prefer to live in the present.

A reference to the time-travelling DeLorean in the Back to the Future trilogy.

Q: Who do you use for shipping? My mum’s aunties dad’s grandad’s brother’s stepdads mum told me that some of the x Ray machines they use can make the tin foil less effective, and that’s why lots of people in Wellington are still getting sick. I want to be sure this will protect me before I go and join in on the good fight for freedom. Thanks [m-e30]

A: NZ Post for shipping. I’ll put do not X-ray on the label just in case.

Q: Quick question. How does quality compare with a $20 Kathmandu silver rescue blanket? [susanpj]

A: The Kathmandu blanket is PET covered aluminium , so would make an excellent protective cape.

Q: Be very careful of medical grade foil for your hats. Most medical products are bought cheaply by farm ac and the current (generic) foil doesn’t work. This is clear because majority of Dr’s and nurses support the “Vaccine” and they can’t get military grade. [moped2]

A: Good advice. Another reason to bid!

Q: Does it come with the box and does it have instructions on how to make the hat? wondering if this material is suitable for welding [richie23]

A: Comes with the box. I will include instructions, since demand is so high. Not suitable for welding, either as protection when worn as a hat, or to weld.

Q: If I make the foil hat but also put several coils of copper wire within the brim – can I use this to charge my phone? It is really difficult to find a reliable and free charging source at this campground! [jippy1]

A: Brilliant idea! You may find the charge rate to be a little slow, depending on the amount of EMF.

Q: In your opinion would this be suitable for covering a tent, is it waterproof too? [gazza00002]

A: There might be just enough to cover a small tent. In this case make sure you connect the foil to a ground-stake. This will shunt all the EMF safely away into the ground.

Q: I’ve heard that the radiation and EMF is landing on the ground. Can I also make a pair of shoes with this military grade foil? Some that will keep the poo out as well? TIA [chrusty10]

A: Yes. You should wrap the foil around the outside of the shoes, and the inside as well. Beware that loss of tread on the shoes in this mode may pose a safety risk; standing on a poo will be much like standing on a banana peel.

Q: Hi. I decided after much pondering to get vaccinated with the sole purpose of using my chosen arm to charge my cellphone from (I travel a lot and am sick of having to carry a charger!). Will your military grade tinfoil interfere with my arms charging ability? [tiredmumof2]

A: To set the record completely straight, you cannot charge your phone from the injection site. It does, however, improve 5G reception.

Q: Hi, I need a new table cloth and like the one under your foil in the photo. If I buy this foil, would you throw in the table cloth too? In return, I will send you a photo of me in the hat I make from the foil 🙂 [meateboi]

A: I have spoken with the missus, and let’s just say her remaining in the house is contingent on the tablecloth also remaining in the house. If you win would still love to see the hat you make.

Q: I’m really skeptical about this auction. I hear the Freedom And Rights And Even More Freedom With Amateur Plumbing And Totally Max Conspiracies Coalition are about to send a convoy to Tiwai Point to secure the country’s strategic supplies of tinfoil, and thus avert the impending Peak Foil crisis. Won’t this new protest action cause a sudden collapse in the price of tinfoil? [kduston]

A: This foil is here and now. You will have it in your hot little hands – assuming you bid for it – long before any price crunch that stems from a protest at Tiwai Point.

Q: If I win the bid I am happy to donate the foil to the mad mob outside parliament as they clearly need it more than I do, is it possible for you to go down and chuck it over the fence for me? [andy-1]

A: I’d normally be happy to, but too much covid about sorry.

Q: Do you think you could throw in a star navigating compass so I can ensure I’m perfectly aligned with the Jupiter and Uranus intersect while I fold the hat? And I don’t mean the version 2.1 compass either. The last thing I need is to fall of the edge of our flat earth while standing up for my freedoms. [wallyacena]

A: Nice to hear from a fellow Zetetic astronomer. Had you forgotten about the ice wall? That makes it pretty difficult to fall off the edge! At any rate, no extras are included in the auction sorry.

Q: Am in Wellies working with the Freedom to Spread Infectious Diseases Team, got a rash and the trots from molecules they are using against us. Just having a nice shower and it is rocking around as the Government loonies move it with a forklift….can you get help?! Will put in a bid if I get out of here. [johnnicki]

A: Assuming that you are a genuine bidder, and that’ll you will be able to get out, my advice is to sit down. Standing in a shower that is being moved is a serious health and safety risk. If you are damaged, you might not be able to bid. Thanks in anticipation of a bid.

Q: I am extremely concerned. Recent research out of world renown and respected Nth Korean Company KimYip Lee Research makes direct links with Tin foil hats and severe paranoia associated with EMF being deflected by the cranium area of the hat, and actually concentrating that radiation into the brain stem area of the wearer. I can’t stress enough how dangerous this form of “protection” can be for the uneducated or naiive, who might actually be fooled into purchasing your roll of foil. [kiwi_kid93]

A: The research has been throughly rebuffed by a number of people on Facebook. You are surely trying to put off other bidders so you can get a good deal for yourself. Am I right?

Q: You can’t foil me. This isn’t the real deal. You’re just a tinpot crazy. [lisel]

A: You may be right. I may be crazy.

Q: Would the foil help improve poor Feng Shui in a protest tent? [bamabreeze]

A: In Feng Shui metal is known to enhance ‘helpful people’. Hang some in your tent, and you should quickly see an improvement.

Q: I can see right through this, its clearly a roll of “fools foil” and no amount of actual facts will make me reconsider my opinion, I suggest you remove the listing for this “fools foil” otherwise I will assert my sovereign rights on this listing and 100% of the proceeds will be due to come to ME – I have the receipts ! [nifopu]

A: A fool and his money are easily parted is an old saying that may well apply in this case. But there is another saying: there is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise. That’s why the proceeds are going to charity. 🙂

Q: Now as a brainonuklearadiationo expert (with many years training) I can see streight away that the shape is all wrong. The hats HAVE to be conical to work at all and you should really add a face shield with eye holes to protect the face. Someone needs to tell them the shape they have now will just amplify and bounce the EMF weapon rays around into thier friends faces etc. [ndj]

A: I recently found out that Devo hats made of foil and also very effective.

Q: Isn’t it wonderful how Jesus has rebuked Satan by giving us tinfoil. [yayool]

A: I am speechless. And that is saying a lot.

Q: If I make a hat out of it, and then EMF rays hit me, will my head catch fire like a takeaway tray in a microwave ? [pbp]

A: The EMF we are talking about here is much lower power than a microwave, so your head will not catch fire. Spontaneous combustion is always a possibility, of course, but none of the documented cases have tin foil as an aggravating factor.

Q. If I have foil left over after making my hat can I bake a potato? I like baked potatoes 🥳 [cpgt69]

A. Yes. You posting this reminds me that I have not have potatoes baked in foil for ages. Not since my last hangi. Yummmm.

Q. It’s great that it protects from nasty 5G, but would it also protect my bald patch from harmful old fashioned UV radiation? [alexbbbb]

A. Slip, Slop, Slap and Wrap. Where wrap is wrap your head in foil.

Slip, slop, slap, and wrap is a sun-safety campaign to educate the NZ public about the dangers of UV radiation.

Q. Will this block other forms of radiation, or only those in the electro-magnetic spectrum?[andrensath]

A: Definitely UV, and all form of light. Except high-powered lasers. In that last case, like a knife through butter.

Q: Serious Question….is this foil officially sanctioned and certified by the UFLDNVLRJGIWEGVKDJNG;SKGHDLWEKGJRPOGHJSPOSWJBOLFJMRPKGTNASPIGJROPLGMNZLPSKBMNR;’SLDEMNVSLOSGMJ Department of specialized human EMEMEMEMF weaponary? asking for a friend! [carlsbadkarma13]

A: I think you may have allowed your cat to run around on your keyboard. Everyone asks for a friend. Such generous folk on here.

Q: Supposing someone had left their car parked up for three weeks and the battery is now flat, would a layer of this placed on top of the flat battery be sufficient to harness enough EMR to charge the battery or would they need to form a cone to focus the energy? [gazza00002]

A: It’ll take about 5 years to charge a battery this way. Given the parking fees – oh wait you aren’t paying those – it might be cheaper and faster to buy some jumper cables. They’ll need to be really, really long ones because all the cars parked around you will also have flat batteries.

Q: How sharp is it I don’t want to cut myself making my hat as I recently burnt my arm on my hair straightener and it’s very sore. [alli7]

A: You do need to be a little careful, but it’s not as bad as paper cuts can be. I’ve never heard of people straitening their arm hair before. Is it very common?

Q: Is it safe to use while pregnant? Child friendly? I assume there are no small parts that could be a choking hazard? Would you consider adding toilet paper to the auction? And lastly, when you roll it out, is it flat? Like the earth? [nytjie]

A: It follows the flatness (or curve, if you believe that sort of thing) of whatever you unroll it on. I suggest that children making hats with foil are well supervised.

Q: Is it also available in the extra wide roll size. Just asking for someone with a big head in Wellington? [greatdeal2]

A: Nope, just the narrow stuff. Big heads? In Wellington? Unlikely.

Q: I have heard that if I just get Covid I may not need tinfoil?? Is that true? I am guessing it may be better if I actually die, but before I commit to this plan I would be interested to know if you had an opinion. [rubinesque]

A: You don’t want covid if you can avoid it. Honestly. A relative of mine has long covid. It’s bad.

Q: Quick question, my uncle in the illuminati said only area 51 space grade 4203 tin foil can stop satanic demon lasers coming through the tv. Is this indeed grade 420? [inspektah_deck]

A: If you want it to be.

Q: I’ve got some anti-satellite spray. Since using it, I haven’t had any alien encounters either. It does unfortunately smell a bit like Lynx Africa. Would you be interested in a trade? [kangeroobru]

A: I blessed the rains down in Africa. That’s the closest I want to get to Lynx Africa, if it all the same to you.

Toto reference!

Q: Would the foil be more effective if it were used for a lamb roast before becoming headwear? [acfield]

A: It might be hard to fold into a hat. Or the fat from the lamb might help it stick together. Sounds a bit gross to be honest. Headwear first.

Q: I’ve had what sounds like cicadas ringing in my head , louder at night?. Tried everything to fix . Standing in front of the speaker bank at a pinkfloyd concert did help a lot, but it came back …when I came down . I’m really hoping a foil hat might do the trick! If not I’m happy to trade the roll ( assuming I’m the successful bidder🤞) for some pink Floyd concert tickets ( in front of speaker bank only please) . A Past concert is fine ,as everything gets canceled now anyways … Dam cicadas [goose32]

A: Hi. It sounds like you may have tinnitus. Homeopathy tells us the like cures like, but this much tin is WAY too much for tinnitus. You will need to soak a small amount of tin in water, and then dilute that water by a factor of about a million (check on line for the exact dilution). Apply this water to your ears. I too would love to go to Pink Floyd concert and see Dave play that black Strat again. (If you really have tinnitus, see a doctor. Load noises can aggravate the condition.)

I have mild tinnitus. I hope you don’t!

Q: How many hats will this make? What size hats? Can I use my own pattern or do I have to use the one that comes with it. Do I need anything else to make the hats. Brain maybe? [j1cat]

A: I’m guessing from your question that your brain is working fine. You can use any pattern – there are lots on the internet. The number of hats depends on what pattern you use. It’s very kind of you to make hats for others.

Q: Hi, how wide is the roll? If I take your earlier advice and shield the source of the EMF I will need the width to calculate how many Concrete Blocks on Pallets I can cover with this… [redr0b0t]

A: 300mm wide. I heard that the police are removing some bollards at the moment. They may be removing them for EMF upgrades, so an extra layer of foil will be needed.

Q. Whose military? Is this pre-used? How do I know if this isn’t a tool of the state’s military, designed to trick me into using their tin foil, with EMF baked into it? And, can I used this on my steamed pudding? Thanks. [cowgrrl]

A: I used a section of it to make a hat for me. This is military issue for field kits, so I think you are safe. A steamed pudding would be quite nice about now.

Q: Is this product military surplus from the faking of the moon landing in 1969? [bryanvic]

A: The box has a manufactured date of Dec 2021. It also has a use by date of Dec 2023, so I assume this is because the quantum alignment must reduce over time.

Q: Thanks for your awesome patience and humour throughout this al important mission. What can you tell us about this radio interview you did? [ian99]

A: Thanks, and that was just part of the shtick. I needed a reason to explain why the roll was partly used. I imagine radio stations have high EMF in them.

Q: Does this meet the military standard F666 for stealth capabilities? I urgently need to make an invisibility cloak for a top secret anti-antivax mission. Will pay cash, can pick up today. [renaultq]

A: Are sure you are not an anti-anti-antivax operative? I’ve heard that there are some double and triple agents about.

Q: I notice that you’ve been telling people to search patterns for hats on the internet… Do you have any websites that you know aren’t controlled by the Government? I’m worried that they will see this and start posting Fake patterns to sabotage the hats being made. [husies]

A: The best way is search using a date filter. Any designs posted pre-protest will be fine. Although truth be known, any design will work and will completely eliminate all EMF induced symptoms, unless they come from covid of course.

Q: If you fold the tin foil you can double the protection.. so my question is.. is cardboard just multilayered paper? [the_flea]

A: Good grief, you are onto something there. I am not sure what, though.

Q: Also worried about microwaves. Have you tried this in one? [majam]

A: Ever put foil in a microwave? I think that means no. [Do not try this at home]

Q: Is this impermeable to pepper spray, would these be suitable for making riot goggles? [gazza00002]

A: Some life advice, if I may? Pepper spray is nasty stuff. If you are doing things that might get you sprayed, perhaps consider another hobby. 🙂

There were reports of pepper spray being used during the protest.

Q: Hi, I’m not too concerned about EMF with my current lifestyle. However, I noted that for quite a while the protestors seemed to have some kind of protection from parking tickets. Were they using tinfoil for that as well? Would I be able to fashion something for my car to give me the same protection? Or am I better off parking near a convoy and hoping for some kind of herd immunity? [fionnaigh]

A: Parking near the convoy might work, but I see in the news that the herd immunity appears to have worn off. I suspect the effect wanes much like the vaccine does.

Q: I heard that the wearing of tinfoil hats attracts anti-vaxxers and anti-mandaters like a magnet. Can you guarantee the magnetic effect? [shelleydixon]

A: I think you have a typo there. It attracts anti-anti vaxers, otherwise know as ‘the vaccinated’. Foil is only guaranteed to repel EMF.

Q: I’ve heard that Aluminium has cosmically enhanced resonances if mined by Dwarves then passed through the digestive system of a Troll – like that expensive coffee that gets pooed out by civet cats. Can you tell me the provenance of your foil? [katherine21]

A: I’m going to guess that this is just commercial factory stuff, rather than artisan variety you mention.

Q: How can we be sure that you’re not an agent for Bill Gates and the product in the auction is not impregnated with a microchip which when I create a hat embeds itself in my skull and works it’s way into my brain? [davidy1]

A: This is pure certified aluminium, so I am pretty sure it is safe from contamination of that sort.

Q: Were any animals harmed in the testing to upgrade from standard to medical to military grade ? [santeman]

A: Not a single RAT was harmed.

RAT = Rapid Antigen Test

Q: Will you be providing an instruction manual on how to fold the Foil into a streamlined hat? Sadly I’ve been caught out before and the design made my bum look huge. [hadjimi]

A: I will provide instructions to the winner of the auction. If you make a really flamboyant hat people might not notice your bottom, although I understand that larger posteriors are currently back in fashion.

Q: Apologies – but I must insist that this auction be taken down. The product advertised in NOT tin foil. It is aluminum foil. Aluminum has an atomic mass of 26.982 u and a melting point of 660.32°C (933.47 K). For tin its atomic mass is 118.71 u and melting point 231.93°C (505.08 K). But I’d be interested in getting some Osmium foil. It’s windy here, so the extra weight would be very useful to keep the hat on my head. [bowering]

A: I apologise. I should not have used the colloquial term for this product, especially since real tin foil was phased out after the second world war.

Q: my glue tastes funny. [monkey_slap]

A: Change (or loss) of taste is a symptom of covid. You may want to consider a test.

Q: Will this react to my spirit crystals. Because I’m a Capricorn I don’t want my Chakra reacting bad. Asking for a friend [tonka.tuff]

A: OK, tell your ‘friend’ that this won’t interact with his spirit crystal

Q: Have you tested the foil for traces of covid? It’s possible laced with it in order to infect the recipient. Also, if a vaccinated person has touched the foil they may have shed spike proteins from their vaccinations as well as the black mould which is, of course, put into the vaccinations and goes into the lungs of those around you. I heard this from a friend who heard it from their cousin’s auntys ex husband’s friends horse who has a vlog on the internet. So of course it is 100% factual [nikki78]

A: I blame the internet!!!!!! Or perhaps it’s toxoplasmosis from our feline overlords.

Q: I understand the best tinfoil for hats is the Dunning Kruger brand. Can you confirm that this matches their specifications? [freedomaira320]

A: I am very, very sure that it matches their specifications. I would stake my life on it.

The Dunning Kruger effect is a cognitive bias where people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability.

Q: Just want to ensure that this is certified Military grade before I place a bid. Is there a NATO number on the tin foil? And was your procurement source military or civilian, don’t want to be indirectly supporting an unallied foreign power. Cheers. [franbie]

A: It was a guy selling out of the back of his truck. So I guess that counts as civilian.

Q: I really appreciate that so many people shared their great wisdom and was replied to by you the seller. Without this conversation I would have been ignorant of the dire consequences of ignoring the need for a tinfoil head covering! My concern is that all this shared wisdom will be lost. Would you be keen to publish this material? So important to get the information stored and out there before the Government gets wind of this. Proceeds to victims of EMF or another charity of your choosing. [kaymcgowan]

A: Reports of my great wisdom have been misplaced or grossly overstated, I’m afraid. I’d be mortified if anyone took any of this seriously. 😉

Q: After eating some mushrooms and mediating I am convinced that Burmese plywood is superior to your so-called “tin foil”. What do you say to that? Eh? Eh? [stuartcmacd]

A: I cede to the wisdom conveyed to you by the Mighty Mushroom.

Q: How many microns thick? I’m looking for something with minimal integrity but can experience high-stress without mental fatigue. [cordyceps]

A: I think we are all getting mental fatigue at this point. 🙂

I think the person meant metal fatigue, but just say yes!

Q: It’s fire proof right? [zonehome]

A: Turns out it wasn’t.

As the protestors were being removed from Parliament grounds, some lit fires.

Q: Is the foil from a pet free and smoke free home. And will the tin foil hat help me with my dandruff? [urbanknitta]

A: We have a cat, but not smoke. I suggest medicated shampoo for the dandruff.

Q: I see the market demand for foil may have changed recently? Still no buy now? [charliechoclate]

A: Yes, a foil market crash has befallen this auction. The money still goes to a good cause though.

Q: I am bald, and worried that military grade foil might scald my head if I wear it outdoors. Do you also sell a military grade water cooling apparatus that will prevent my scalp from injury? [swampy3]

A: You’ll have to do your own research in regard to cooling. ‘Own research’ is usually a very fruitful and reliable method. External cooling from a personal fan may be sufficient in most cases.

Q: Hi there, due to the impressive qualities regarding this foil, I wish to inquire whether it has any worthwhile dating qualities? I’ve tried Bumble, I’ve tried Gwyneth’s yoni egg, I’ve tried making eyes at men in the supermarket over the top of my mask. So far, that special man remains elusive. Could this amazing foil be used to intensify the waves of desirability emanating from my luscious curves and attract that great guy? Would wrapping myself in this foil be worth a try? [ard10]

A: I am fairly sure that wearing a hat made of this will dramatically reduce the likelihood of finding a suitable mate. Wrapping your whole body will result in increased attention from sci-fi nerds (nothing wrong with being a sci-fi nerd), if that is what you are after. Just continue to be a nice person, and I am sure you’ll find someone. 🙂

Q: Hi there…. does EMF stand for Extreme Marlin Failure… I can’t catch them this year… last year I caught plenty after I fixed my boat from stray electrical current (note unlike 98% of comments above this is completely true) and my wife said all I need is to wear a Tin Hat as that will fix things…. you know how it is ith wife’s they are always right even when they’re not… anyway will this tin foil make a suitable Marlin catching hat…. as you’ve probably guessed I’m kind of desperate [clogkiller]

A: Not a fan of fishing sorry. No funny response for your my friend. 🙂

Q: I am worried about “hat lines”, particularly after rain…any reviews on this issue? Thanks. [gavm6]

A: As long as you don’t make the hat too tight you should be able to avoid ‘hat lines’. The techniques used to avoid ‘panty lines’ – for example less coverage like in a g-string – isn’t going to work for a foil hat.

Q: As it is military grade, does it still have the ability to absorb the flavour and texture of all foodstuffs it contacts, leaving a tasteless rubbery item often found in military canteens? [mikecotton]

A: I suspect military rations have all the flavour sucked out prior to being packaged, but I have not tested this particular foil on food.

Q: I noticed that the listing mentions this is “used”, please can you confirm that the 47m of foil you are selling is unused and has not been used previously. I am worried about the efficacy of foil that may already have been used and that it may not fully protect me. Also, can you recommend someone who can come and wrap my entire home to shield me? I feel like just having a hat will be insufficient protection. [hannahkrystyna]

A: The remaining 47m has not been used. You might be able to get one of those scaffolding companies (those that do the ones with white covering) to do you house in foil, but you are going to need WAY more than this.

Q: You talked above about soaking a diamond and ruby ring in water overnight, and applying that water to the foil before using it. Is it possible under the wonderful science of homeopathy that I could just wave the diamond and ruby ring near the water while I chant OMMMM? This would save me lots of time because I need to book an acupuncture session too. Thank you for protecting us all. [kevin071]

A: Soaking is the old-fashioned method that people are used to. You can certainly wave the ring near the water, or if you don’t have a ring then all you need to do is think about the ring while holding a glass of boiled water. This is quite advanced, but I am sure you are up to it. I can feel that The Force is quite strong in you.

Gotta get a Star Wars reference in.

Q: Don’t be thinking we missed the earlier – much earlier – mention of Pyramids.!!!! Obvs this is a just a bloody overly complex cover up for a global pyramid selling scheme. which I have have FOILED [looking42]

A: I’ll have to check with my upstream to see if I can confirm or deny, or neither confirm nor deny, that scurrilous accusation.

Q: Must surely be the most questions ever answered on a trademe auction, magnificent effort 👌[reef12]

A: Just chipping away at them bit my bit. Mustn’t mention chips though, might stir things up. 😉

Q: Asking for a friend of friends friend – will you accept 100000 Rubles as part payment ?[marcus1975] • 07:42 pm, Thu, 3 Mar

A: I also asked a friend of a friend’s friend. No thanks. My friend’s friend also said no. So did my friend. Need I go on?

Q: Speaking of going on this auction is taking a long time – I know this has been asked previously but asking for a cousin of a friend of a friend any chance of a Buy Now ? [marcus1975]

A: I consulted a cousin of a friend of a friend of mine. She said no. So did the friend of my friend, and my friend. So I am out-voted. Sorry.

Q: Any chance you can get Aunty to sign it? [karlg1]

A: My auntie? Your auntie? One of the Aunties (they are amazing, you should donate: https://aunties.co.nz/)?

Q: P.s. Can this military grade tinfoil be weaponised? Also where was it manufactured? [bluesd_as]

A: Not sure about where it was manufactured. In terms of weapons I suspect it is only good for making swords for office play-fights (subject to local health and safety guidance, of course). I can recommend from personal experience that the best office play-fight weapons are the blow up ones.

Q: I have 100 used tents mostly partially destroyed after an occupation but could be patched into one big super spreader tent which would would need many packs of tin foil. But these tents have been blessed by the lamb shedding Sharman lady seen on TV 📺 in recent weeks – we could throw these in the auction mix as a freebie perhaps ? Just a thought my brother in laws second cousins Aunty thought of – as seemed a waste to throw out all these tents which have only had 23 days use [marcus1975]

A: Now that vaccinated people have touched those tents, they will have lamb-killing shedding on them. Not an attractive freebie, sorry. 😉

Q: I lost all my weed on Wednesday and reality is beginning to intrude. Does this foil come with weed in it? Please help, as now I’m not off my face I think I may have been misled by a man called Brian and the Facebook Drs I have been following. I seem to be coughing a lot. will it help with that? [tomandalison]

A: Went up in flames did it? I think you should probably lay off both the weed and the Facebook. The foil will ship with hat instructions only. Anything else is strictly BYO.

Q: I really want to be protected but I am worried people will think I look strange if I walk around with tinfoil on my head. [skunkworks]

A: Well, that depends where you walk. But you know what? It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile. Be yourself no matter what they say.

A reference to Sting’s song, Englishman in New York in the answer.

Q: Hello. I am 100% certain that this is a completely legitimate listing, as it is online. I would like to know if EMF stands for Excessive Management Fees, as I would like a bit of protection from those. Thanks. P.S. the government are obviously monitoring this listing, and must be developing new technologies to permeate this foil ASAP. How long do you think is will be effective against the ever-watching government? Thanks! [googalplex]

A: Radio waves and aluminium is that they have been around since the dawn of time, so not much anyone can do to change the physics. And I am pretty sure that EMF = Expert Master Fooler.

Q: I think ‘Aunty’ was Jacinda 🙂 [zonehome]

A: I see. I must get out more.

Q: This is all quite brilliant. A real high point from what was a really low point. I hope you will publish all these questions & answers. It’s the first thing I look at each morning. Bless you. [jcd5]

A: Thank you. 🙂

This was the question that prompted me to publish the auction here.

Q: Hi there, are there any health concerns using this military grade product on children and is it as effective as on adults? [ger_1970]

A: Yes, you can use this for kids, but I would hide the origin by telling them it is Wiggles or Sponge Bob foil.

Q: Bloody funny. Well done, it was hilarious 👍💚👍 [lise2]

A: Thank You!

Q: Don’t want to spoil your auction but Milspec has a Contract Number stamped on it every metre…..The exception is Pre 1950s which will be Broad Arrow marked and noticeable heavier gauge. [mardyy13]

A: Noted!

Q: God bless you. May your good humour and good intentions spread like the virus across New Zealand. [ger2008]

A: Thank you!

One thought on “My Auction to Sell ‘Military Grade Tin Foil’

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s